


as we mourned your absent radiance

by bubblewrapstargirl



Series: One Shots [24]
Category: Sense8 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Canon Emotional Transference, Canon Telepathy, Cluster - Freeform, F/M, Fluid Sexuality, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Implied Relationships, Loneliness, Long-Distance Friendship, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, Multi, Other, Post-Season/Series 01, Protective Wolfgang, Self-Esteem Issues, Unresolved Emotional Tension, Unresolved Romantic Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-03
Updated: 2015-07-03
Packaged: 2018-04-07 11:11:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 933
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4261185
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bubblewrapstargirl/pseuds/bubblewrapstargirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The sensates each mourn the loss of Will differently, but share their pain as always. It feels like a black hole has opened in the back of Wolfgang's head, sucking out the colour of his life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	as we mourned your absent radiance

The sensates each mourn the loss of Will differently, but share their pain as always. It feels like a black hole has opened in the back of Wolfgang's head, sucking out the colour of his life and replacing it with the desaturated shades of the old VHS movies he and Felix used to love so much.

He can only imagine what the terrible, trembling sensation of loss would have been if Will and Riley had died. He feels tears drip down Sun's face as she practices her punches and kicks, lethal, graceful movements sharpened by grief. Since she was released from jail she has been focused on her kickboxing career- her father's dream is not her own, and no one would trust her family name with their investments now, not since her brother was revealed for the scumbag he is. Wolfgang shudders under the weight of her rage, feeling his fingers fold into fists. It takes all his effort to pull away from her breathtaking anger, so familiar is the sensation that, more than ever, he feels as though they are an extension of one another's minds.

After taking out what remained of his Uncles' men, Wolfgang had gone straight to Felix's new bedside. This will be the last time until Felix is fit enough to leave Berlin. Wolfgang will watch over his treatment from afar, but he cannot stay here. His Uncle had many friends, and allies within their organisation and without; many tenuous business that will be lost because his skittish connections will not work with other members of their family. Wolfgang's other Uncles, on his mother's side, will lose business and money and it won't matter that the only son of their beloved sister caused the trouble, only that they will lose out from his actions. His mother is long gone; it is their own wives, children and heavy pockets that they owe allegiance to now.

Wolfgang sits beside the only family he has ever needed, cradling Felix's fingers within his own. The pain of seeing him so weak and vulnerable is compounded once again by the loss of Will. Riley's slowly dissappating terror is ringing in Wolfgang's ears, the adrenaline calling to him like a feedback loop of his own emotions that tore through him while he was destroying his Uncle's house. She had showed them all the moments they missed on the mountainside; the moment Will almost killed her and himself in order to save the rest of them. Capheus and Nomi's shock was immense, but Wolfgang's own mortified horror was a more resigned one. He was not surprised, only terrified at the prospect of losing two of the people that shared his heart and mind. It didn't matter that they all knew where the story ended; that they had all seen Will cradled in Riley's arms, safe for the moment on her friend's boat. The fear is still a living thing thriving between them all.

Wolfgang presses a careful kiss to Felix's forehead, and then against his friend's dry, unmoving lips, because he won't get another chance for a long time. Wolfgang has never cared about the welfare of anyone but the man below him, and how he has seven other people vying for the scant love in his withered heart. He has burnt down all the bridges of his life for Felix; he would do the same, and far worse, for his cluster. He knows it like he knows the truth of his fate if he remains in Berlin even one day more. He feels Kala behind him once more, crying the tears that he can't.

"Come to India." She pleads, achingly beautiful, even in her state of lamentation. "If you have to run, come to me. Wolfgang - please. Please. I don't care what you've done, I don't."

He can feel the truth in her words; she has accepted him for the monster he is, and wants him regardless. It is the acceptance Wolfgang would have done anything for as a child, if it had come from his father or Uncles, but now he knows how unworthy of it he is. He won't let Kala become any more like him, than having her live in his head already does. He won't dishonour her, in the eyes of her gods and family and culture.

"I can't," he says, proud of the way his voice never wavers.

Kala dissappears, and he enjoys his last moments with Felix in relative peace. But when he tries to leave, Lito follows him.

"What are you doing?" The older man hisses, "Didn't you see how I almost ruined myself, not clinging onto my love? You must follow your heart, Wolfgang."

"No." says Wolfgang, pushing their connection away. He feels Lito leave with a resigned sigh at his perceived idiocy.

But Wolfgang already knows exactly where he's going; Norway. He calls out to Riley, and she responds quickly. She is still numb from her terror. But when he sits in front of her, and tells her he's going to meet her in Oslo - to protect her and help her keep Will safe, she collapses in his arms, grateful tears streaming down her face. Wolfgang can feel Nomi watching, loving tears of her own dripping from her pointed chin.

Wolfgang knows what he is; knows exactly what kind of monster the tainted blood in his veins makes him. But sometimes, the monster you have tamed is the only protection you have in the fight against the worse things out there in the dark. And if there is one thing Wolfgang can do, it's fight.

**Author's Note:**

> Title taken from the poem "Where we are now" by Dermot Bolger:
> 
>  
> 
> _...None of us could have conceived that when the snow next fell_  
>  _It would cover your grave for weeks, leaving us shell-shocked,_  
>  _Mutely comforting each other as we mourned your absent radiance._


End file.
